Life: Struggling with being single

I recently had a question asked on a comment on my "Secret" post. Its my goal to answer as many questions as I can to be a help to as many people as I can. I want to take the time now to address the question asked as I feel it will not help the person who asked it but anyone else going through similar struggles.-Enjoy!

Dear Mina,

First I want to thank you for taking the time to comment and ask questions on my blog. It takes guts to open yourself up and reveal your true self and emotions. In regards to your question I think the best way to describe what you are going through is a struggle being single.

Most women I know who are single go through this. Men are prone to this also, but the reason women have a greater struggle is because how they get their self-worth.

Let me explain in greater detail. A man will get his self-worth from his career or what he is capable of doing. If you ask a man to tell you about himself he will immediately tell you what he does for a living. He will talk about his career, his business, or his job. He eyes will beam with joy if he is doing well at his business, or if he has just received recognition or a promotion at his job. Although women can have a similar pride for their career I find that at the root of a woman's soul is relationships-let me explain.

You ask a woman to describe herself she will begin talking about her relationships in her life. She will say: "well I am engaged, I have a boyfriend, or I have two kids." Woman are relational and when a relationship is not functioning correctly or if it is not there at all women tend to deal with it negatively.

Woman tend to be more devoted then men and so if a woman does not have a strong relationship then that's when you will see her devout herself to a job or career because some women are trying to fill that void in their life for a connection. If they can not connect with a man then they will connect with a career and give it their all.

I say this so you can begin to understand why those lonely feeling or lack of self-worth feelings are there in the first place. Those feelings are there not because you need a man, but rather because its your strong desire to "have a man" which goes back to what I said about woman being more relational to men in regards to self-worth.

This is why, especially here in America, we are having a boom in older woman quiting their jobs and having kids. Women are now starting families in their 40's instead of their 20's because they substituted one desire for another. What I have seen in these cases are women who devoted themselves to a career and put on hold their desire for a family or relationship only to later have such a strong desire to "be with someone" overwhelm them to the point where they drop everything to start a family or relationship right away.

This where most damage is done in relationships. The desire for a partner or family is so strong that we almost feel like we are running out of time so we get the first available quality person we can find instead of finding the right person for you. I believe this is part of the reason why the divorce rate is so high.

Well let me get back to the issue at hand. Now that I have briefly explained why woman feel the need to "have someone" I want to help you figure out a way to feel complete without having to "have someone."

The key is back to understanding the function of a man and woman. A man processes most things through his primitive body and a woman processes things through her emotions or soul. That is why a Woman will often say "I don't have a connection with him", and a man might talk about his relationship by the physical attributes of his woman-"My girlfriend is so hot!" I am sure you recognize these statements in your experiences.

Remember we are body, soul. and spirit. The body just deals with the physical aspects of life through our senses, the soul deals with the emotional aspects through our mind and will, and the spirit is our intuition or our sixth sense which most people ignore and thus stays undeveloped.

I say that so you can realize that the problem lies in your ability to strengthen each part of yourself. The problem most people have is in their soul-where they deal with their emotions.
You have to begin to deal with your thoughts and feelings first before you can truly understand your self-worth.

If you get quite for a minute and just relax and breathe you will begin to see and hear your thoughts about yourself. You must understand that you are talking to yourself "All The Time!"
Whether out loud or in your head there is always some form of dialogue.

This is where most negativity is born-in our soul or mind. The only way to combat these negative thoughts and feeling is by talking back to these thoughts and feelings. It does not matter what other people say about you it only matters what you say about yourself and what you say to yourself. Some cultures look down on a woman if she is not married by a certain age and that adds to your stress, and negative thoughts and feelings multiply in your head.

The battle is truly in the mind, but the key is to use our spirit and our body to combat it. I will go into that in a second, but I want to address part of your original question.

You say you do not feel complete without a man and I have explained a little why you don't feel complete with-out a man. The other issue I see is your strongest time of joy was when you were with your man. This is where you must begin to regroup and plan ways for you to have joy and fun so that you are complete without a man.

Let me stop and say I believe relationships are wonderful and that it is God's gift to man but like I have said in previous post, we need to be two complete individuals coming together to benefit each other instead of two broken people trying to become complete. The problem then becomes trying to put together "Broken Pieces" instead of having a "Complete Portrait" of a beautiful life.

I really hope you find the man of your dreams, but in life you should "attract him" or "stumble upon him" while you are working on completing yourself. This is the work of every man or woman in any aspect of life. Do your best to be your best and more then fill your place on earth and you will attract or stumble upon "your hearts desires!"

So on a practical level here is how it works. Remember we are body, soul, and spirit and the problem starts in the soul or mind and emotions. Thoughts must be fought with thoughts and the only way to fight a thought is with a word. Words create thoughts and the that is why what you say to yourself is so important. If you entertain negative thoughts with out combating them with positive words then you allow those negative thoughts to breed in your mind and multiply until it becomes a negative cycle or depression.

So you must begin to write down every positive thing about yourself and life and anything positive thing you want to see happen in your life. Once you have written these things down as positive sentences then begin to speak them out loud in the morning and at night and anytime a negative thought comes in your head. See this as sowing and reaping. For years you have been sowing and reaping negativity and now you will use these new seeds or words to create a better harvest for your life.

Next you want to go to the body. Exercise, enjoy nature, or do anything that brings you laughter and happiness through your senses. For me this is a funny movie or a walk in the park where I can relieve stress. This will add the physical element to completing yourself.

Finally its the spirit. To activate your spirit start by being grateful for what you have already, and detach yourself from the emotion of having to have a man now. You can believe that the perfect man is on the way, and be grateful to God for him and then release that attachment to that feeling or need and go on with your day in gratitude. This is truly "the Secret" to manifestation of your dreams. The next part of the spirit is trust and believe that the best is on its way to you and the begin to start to trust your intuition and gut feelings again. We all have that internal feeling that says "this is right or this is wrong", but the problem is we question it too much. We have to start to exercise our conscious again so we can release our spirit to help guide us again.

I am sure we have all had an experience when we felt like something was wrong inside us and we ignored that feeling only to later realize that we should have listened to that feeling! That is what your spirit is there for-to help you make the right choices.

So that is the end of this story for right now as I have written an essay to answer this question lol. I truly appreciate someone half way across the world taking the time to write from the middle east! I hope I have been of some help and feel free to ask a question or comment anytime. Also please share this blog with as many people as you can as I am trying to be a help to as many people as I can.

Thanks and God Bless!